Visits Home

Visits home

Just like Family Weekends and other visits to campus, you will probably put a lot of stock into your child’s occasional visits home. Unless he is living at home and commuting to college, you probably won’t see him too often, and that’s probably what you both expected and wanted. Not that you don’t want to see him, you just know that for him to develop into an independent adult, he needs to start being less reliant on you and the familiarity of home, and more reliant on himself in his own place. Even so, there will be times when your child visits home for a weekend or longer.

These visits are a great time to catch up with your child on some academic or financial issues and plans for the future, but before you jump into discussing next semester’s class schedule or summer job plans give him a little time to settle in. “Settling in” can mean different things to different people. Some students will come home and immediately have a snack and go to bed for the rest of the day. Some will simply drop their bags in their room and head out to visit old hometown friends. Unless you and your child have specifically set a date to discuss these issues, I suggest leaving them alone for about a day before you even think about having a meaningful conversation about anything. 

Curfews during visits home

Some parents insist on their child resetting to the same house rules they had before they left for college while others swing in the opposite direction and give their child carte blanche. In all actuality, your child probably expects to have at least some house rules reinstated when he returns home, but as is the case with everything, flexibility is key

You may extend his curfew or let him slack on the chores as long as he’s willing to negotiate with you. Maybe you both agree to extend his curfew as long as he checks in on the hour, from midnight until 2:00am. With everyone carrying cell phones complete with alert functions on the calendar, he should be able to do this without a problem. Let him know that you aren’t asking him to do this because you don’t trust him, just let him know that you honestly can’t sleep until you know he’s home safe and you really don’t want to stay up until 3:00am. Remind him that adults respect their family members’ needs and are willing to compromise their own desires to help out others.

* For every college student there comes a point when he considers college to be “home.” This is usually discovered by accident when he leaves your home after a visit and says something like. “I have to get home before 8:00.” And you think to yourself. “But, you are home.” When this happens you can shed a quiet tear, but also breathe a sigh of relief knowing that he has found a college that he feels comfortable enough to call  “home”.