Most parents don’t want to be helicopter parents.
You certainly have better things to do with your time than solve problems for
your adult child who is 200 miles away. Parents constantly lament to me “How
can he be smart enough to get into college, but he can’t figure this out?” But,
if after a few tear-filled calls from your child, you decide to call the
college to fix a problem for your child, stop and consider the following.
·
Can he handle this problem on his own? The answer is usually “Yes”, but he just
doesn’t know how. Most eighteen-year-olds don’t know how to trouble shoot
problems because they simply haven’t had to do it before. Let me tell you a
little story to illustrate this point.
Each year, when I worked in residence halls, at
least three to ten students would request a maintenance work order for a broken
desk light (the lights were built into the desks.) The first few times this
happened, I took the students’ word that the light was broken, assuming that
they had certainly already confirmed that the light was plugged in and the bulb
was not burned out. But, after a few of the maintenance orders came back with
notes such as “replaced bulb” I started to realize that students didn’t know
how to trouble shoot. They just assumed that if they flipped on the light
switch and the light didn’t turn on, then the light was broken. Defining the
problem, and trouble shooting the simplest solutions are basic life skills that
college students may not have developed yet, but they will definitely need in
the future.
As you talk to your child about problems that
are occurring in his life, ask him to clarify the problem first and then
develop some simple solutions. Offer some suggestions, but don’t solve the
problem for him. True, this may require that you have a few, or even several,
overly complicated conversations about the same problem, but I assure you that
once he has successfully solved one problem with your guidance, he’ll be able
to solve many more without calling you.
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