If your child was admitted to the college or university in which he is enrolled, he is very likely to succeed academically, but oddly enough, challenging academics are not usually the reason that students fail classes or drop out. Having worked in academic counseling, I know that the main reasons students fail out of school or simply drop out are:
Not attending class - This seems so obvious, but making class attendance a priority is the number one way that students can succeed in college. The student who just shows up will be more successful than the one who skips and the one who shows up well prepared, and engages in the lecture or class activity will learn more in class and have to study less outside of class to retain the material. When talking about class attendance with your child, make sure he knows it is important to you not only for his academic success, but also for the very basic fact that college isn’t cheap and each time he skips a class he’s throwing money away.
Poor time management skills - Most students have a steep learning curve when it comes to time management and it’s no wonder why. If they’ve been living at home with their parents acting as their alarm clock and their conscience they haven’t had to decide to get out of bed in the morning or finish their papers on time. They did those things because if they didn’t they would be grounded or badgered until they did. But now, with only themselves as their principal motivator, they have to develop and employ time management skills for possibly the first time in their lives.
If you are reading this book during your child’s senior year of high school or the summer after high school graduation, now is a great time to have him take responsibility for his own time management. Give him a task with clear expectations and a deadline and see how he does. If it becomes evident that he needs to hone his time management skills don’t worry, almost every college has workshops about time management and somehow, hearing advice about time management from someone besides your parent makes it stick.
Disinterest in academics or college in general – This one is hard for parents to handle because we’ve spent so much time, effort, and money just helping our children through high school and the college admissions process, it’s hard to believe they aren’t really interested in college. This has a lot to do with your child’s expectations of what college will be like, and as is the case with many things, college can certainly fall short of expectations.
Maybe your child isn’t interested in any of his freshman general education courses, or maybe they’re much harder than he expected them to be. Maybe he’s taking his first major class and realizing that he doesn’t like it and doesn’t have a second choice for a major. Whatever the reason, your student has lost the motivation he once had.
For most students this malaise only lasts for a couple of months or a semester, but if he reaches the end of his freshman year with poor grades and no plan or focus to continue, he may be in need of a gap year in which he works full time and either moves back home or lives on his own and supports himself. Sometimes, just the reality of a year of full time work and the responsibilities that come with it is enough to motivate a student who’s lost his drive.
Dissatisfaction with college choice - If your child did not get into his dream school or maybe the first choice school’s bill totaled $30,000.00 per year instead of $15,000.00, let him know that there are a number things he can and should do instead of succumbing to disappointment.
1. Most importantly, make the most of the college experience wherever it may be. As I mention elsewhere in this book, the college return on investment isn’t just a financial number at the bottom of a balance sheet. Much of the “investment” must come from the student in terms of focus, determination, and plain old hard work.
2. Plan to take a reciprocal exchange semester at the dream school. This program allows students to pay the regular tuition and fees to their own institution and take the classes elsewhere. More information is available at the National Student Exchange program website: http://www.nse.org
3. Take a summer class at the dream school and work a summer job while there.
4. Or better still; plan to attend graduate school at the dream school. There will be opportunities for graduate assistantships that can pay for a portion or all of the graduate degree. This is how I, and tens of thousands of other people financed our graduate degrees. Keep in mind, that the dream school will expect great grades and numerous activities and leadership experiences from the current college.
Poor fit within the institution - Your child either didn’t want to attend college or didn’t want to attend the college in which he’s enrolled. This could be due to a number of factors. He didn’t get into his top choice and resents going to his second choice school, his best friend or girlfriend is attending another school, or “everyone” he graduated with is going out of state and he’s at the local college. The reasons for a poor fit are endless, but there is something you and your child can do to rectify the situation.
If he really wants to go to his first choice school, the best way to do that is to excel at his second choice school. Then, after a year, he can re-evaluate his choice and transfer if he still wants to. Many times, after a year, students find their niche and don’t want to leave anyway.
Lack of new friends or social connections - One thing that college is really great for is making new friends and forgetting about old romances. Being away from home and familiar surroundings is a sure fire way to learn that the world is a lot bigger than your high school or your old neighborhood. By the end of this first semester, your child will know if he really can’t live without his old friends or hometown love interest and will let you know one way or the other. Either way, emphasize the importance of making good grades and being involved on campus no matter where he is because he’ll need a strong academic record and leadership skills if he decides to transfer elsewhere.
Financial problems - In this economy, financial problems can affect just about anyone and if the family breadwinner, or even just one parent, loses a job a student’s college career can easily be sidelined. Even if the family can still scrimp enough to pay for school or find loans to help them until hard times pass, the student may refuse to allow the rest of the family to sacrifice for his benefit.
If you find yourself on the receiving end of a pink slip you need to re-evaluate your financial situation immediately and tell your child about your struggles as soon as possible too. Even if a wonderful new job is already on the horizon, you owe it to your child to be honest about what the whole family is experiencing. It’s also important to speak to someone in the school’s financial aid or scholarship office as soon as you know what your new income will be.
Financial aid counselors know a number of ways to help families through rough financial times. It may be that with a lower estimated family contribution (EFC), your child now qualifies for grants, need-based scholarships or work-study programs. Don’t allow family pride to get in the way of financial assistance that could potentially keep your child in school.
Before your child talks to a financial aid counselor, gather documents and crunch some numbers so he will have your financial figures close at hand. Collect the FAFSA, prior year taxes, your current gross and net income after the job loss, and information about severance pay or any unemployment benefits you now receive. This is also the time to make some plans with your child and answer some questions. Will he be able to stay through the semester? Will he be able to adjust his schedule to take fewer classes while taking on more hours at work?
Health concerns - Whether they be yours or your child’s, health problems can cause a great deal of stress on college students. It is extremely hard to concentrate on academics when you or a loved one has a serious illness, especially if you are far from home. Other health problems such as substance abuse, an unplanned pregnancy, or mental health issues bring obvious challenges as well.
Whatever health challenges you and your student face, the single most important thing you can do as a parent is to communicate your needs and expectations and work closely with your child to make a plan for his future success. Remind yourself and your child that the goal of completing a college degree can be achieved, even if it is completed in a non-traditional way.
Of course, it would be ideal for every student to attend college for four straight years and never have to worry about poor grades, social isolation, financial, or health issues, but that simply doesn’t happen. A lot can happen to a family in 4-6 years and when life places hurdles in your child’s way he’ll need your experience and guidance to overcome them. You’ll also be teaching him through example that overcoming challenges may require a change of strategy, but one’s goals can remain the same.
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