How to Avoid "Hovering" When Things Go Wrong

·               Get all the facts first, and then question the facts. When college students find themselves in trouble of any kind they are likely to gloss over, or flat out deny their responsibility especially if they know you’ll freak out. Whether it is a semester of straight Ds and Fs or an impending $600.00 charge for damages to his residence hall room, you can be sure that, according to him, he had nothing to do with it. You will be understandably angry to see a semester’s worth of failing grades or a bill for $600.00, but before you call all his professors or the Director of housing, realize that your anger is actually with your child. Deep down, you know that professors actually do not give grades, students earn them, and relatively few students are ever charged for room damage.

I’ll talk more about FERPA, or the Family Educational Right to Privacy Act later in this book, but FERPA essentially keeps professors and university administrators from discussing students’ educational, judicial, and financial records with anyone besides the student, including you. While this law is overall positive, and keeps your child’s academic records safe, it also causes problems for parents. It means that the housing staff can’t show you the photographs of the broken window, and a professor can’t show you the student’s record of low test scores or missed assignments. In other words, you’re only getting half of the facts at best, and university officials are unable to tell you the rest of them.

Parents are programmed to fix problems, but once your child is an adult your role changes from rescuer to advisor. Instead of trying to fix a problem or make it go away, your child really needs you to help him understand how to avoid the same problem in the future, otherwise he’ll experience it again and again.

* Students who complain to professors about grades rarely have the grade raised without a sincere effort on the student’s part. If your child has received a low grade on one assignment there are some things he can do to try to raise the overall grade in the class. 

Review the class syllabus. These documents are distributed to every student in every class at the beginning of the semester. While most students rarely read them, they offer a great deal of information about the grading policies for classes.  A student may discover that he can request to drop an unusually low test grade in the class at the end of the semester, or that he is allowed to write a paper or make a class presentation on a specific topic for extra credit. Professors allow this type of leeway to students because it creates more learning opportunities.

Make an appointment with the professor during his or her office hours. During the appointment the student should ask for help improving his grade on the next test or paper, not complain about the grade he already received.  The professor will usually offer some suggestions on ways to improve studying in the class or may suggest the student work with a specific tutor, study group, or teaching assistant.  On rare occasions, the professor may allow the student to repeat the test or rewrite the assignment or paper, however the student needs to be aware that the new grade might be lower.