Ah, move-in day, the big day for you and your college student. Up to this point, having a “kid at college”
has been an almost surreal theme, but now it’s real, and it is crazy! I like to
equate college move-in day with the day, about eighteen years ago, when the
contractions were two minutes apart. Up to that point, you knew that you were
“having a baby”, but at that point your were actually having a baby, and there was no turning back! And, at this
point in your life too, your child’s college move-in day, there’s no turning back
either. You’re driving him to that college and at least one of you is staying
there!
If you have expectations about an ideal move-in
experience with hugs, tearful goodbyes, and the perfectly decorated dorm room
a’ la’ Pinterest. I am sorry to say that I have some disappointing news. While
there may be some families who experience this Hallmark card move-in
experience, I have been working on college campuses for 22 years, and the day
usually doesn’t play out that way.
Considering that move- in day will involve you,
your child, and maybe other family members, you have probably been on enough
family road trips to know that tensions can flare. Add the joy of packing and
moving to the excitement, sadness, and anxiety of letting go of your child and
you’ll have a good idea of what to expect. Bring the tissues!
Suggestions for move-in day
Most
colleges do a good job of letting you know what to expect on move-in day as far
as the length of time it will take to move-in, when and where to arrive, and
whether or not students will have help from volunteers or will have access to
moving carts etcetera.
Remember that you are there to help, not move
everything and set it up, so take cues from your child. If he obviously wants to be left alone after
about an hour of moving, take some time to let him breathe. An easy way to do
this is to say; “I think I’m going to find a cold drink, do you want
anything?” Your child will probably say
“No, I’m fine.” And shoot you that “you
can go now” look. And you’ll reply, “Ok, well text me if you change your
mind.” Give him a little time to adjust, maybe an hour or so and then call or
text before you drop back by his room. In general, students really do want
their families there to see their room and help move a few boxes, but for the
most part, they want to do it themselves, as they should. Take some time to
give him the space he needs while you explore campus and take a break for
yourself.
Most colleges have an event, either in each
residence hall or campus-wide, to signify the end of move-in day. This may be a
cookout in the evening, a reception, or a hall or floor meeting. Whatever it
is, unless parents are specifically invited, or it is obvious that other
parents are attending this event, it’s time for you to say a quick goodbye and
take yourself and/or the rest of your family out for a meal. When the hostess
at the restaurant asks how many are in your party it will be painful for you to
say that you are “one less” than you were in the morning, but you’ll also be
excited for your child’s new adventure.
*Before you turn in for the night, a text, email
or social media post to your child will remind him that you are thinking of
him. Something like, “Hope you’re all settled in, have a good night.” is
enough. If he replies, great, but don’t expect an immediate reply.
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