College Parenting 101: Why we can't just "let go"

If you attended college any time before 1990 there were probably no parent orientations, parents’ associations, or family weekends at your college. In fact, if your parents ever spent any time at your college beyond move-in day or graduation you were part of a small minority. Obviously, things have changed dramatically over the past few decades, and colleges and universities are ramping up programs for the parents and families of their students that were completely absent 30 years ago. Some reasons for these changes in programs are:

1. College costs much more. I mean, much more, than it did 30 years ago.  I know I don’t need to tell you this since you are still swooning from the sticker shock you have undoubtedly experienced in the past several months. With these higher costs come higher expectations, especially from parents who are footing most, or at least more, of students’ college expenses.
2. We live in the age of twenty-four hour per day, seven day per week , three hundred and sixty five day per year communication and information. With cell phones, video chat, and social media readily available to almost everyone, we have come to expect the ability to find information and contact anyone, in any place, at any time immediately. This means that when students have even small problems they can immediately call a parent for advice instead of having to wait to find a phone. Years ago, waiting to find a phone, and the time to call one’s parent, meant that we had the time to process problems and decide whether or not they were worth discussing with a family member, which they usually weren’t.
3. Constant access to news media from around the world also means that any crisis that occurs at any college in the country, or anywhere in the world seems like it happened next door and is surely a crisis where our child attends. We fear that it is threatening them personally, instead of an isolated incident. We no longer have the comfortable insulation of time and distance to temper these sensational news stories and safety is always on our minds.
4. Our generation of parents has had fewer children than previous generations, and we have been more involved in their lives both in and out of school. In other words, we have a lot of time, money, effort, and love investing in our 2.06 children and their success. We have been told since they were in utero that we are 100% responsible, both socially and legally, for their care and behavior. Now, all of a sudden when they enroll in college, we are supposed to simply let go of this “adult” who it seems was just yesterday hitting a baseball off a tee. Letting go of your child is easier said than done, and most of us, and our college-bound children face a steep learning curve in these lessons of letting go.

Is Your Child a "First Generation" College Student?

Each college will have it’s own definition of a first generation student, but usually, If your child is the first in your family to attend college they are considered “first generation”. Some campuses even extend this title to students whose parents or other family members attended college, but did not graduate. Whatever the definition, first generation college students universally experience stress, a feeling of being an outsider on campus, and the burden of being the trailblazer for their entire family.

For first generation parents it’s important not to be intimidated by college, and the best way to do this is to learn as much as you can about your child’s college and where he can go for help if he needs it. Almost all colleges have handbooks for students and many have parent handbooks as well. Find copies of these books, read them thoroughly, and keep them handy. College websites are also wonderful resources for first generation parents.

For most students, having a parent or family member take an interest in their education and being willing to listen and find out more about their college is half the battle. First generation parents don’t have to know all, or any, of the answers to their child’s questions they just have to know how to help find the answers. The first step in this process is having your child clarify the question. You may think that asking him more questions is the last thing he needs now, but it’s the best way to pinpoint the potential problem and start working on a solution.

Keep in mind that as your child is learning, this is also a great learning experience for you too. Take advantage of programs on campus or parent networks that can help ease these transitions for you and your child and never be afraid to ask questions.

What to Expect During Freshman Orientation and Enrollment: Part 1

Summers are some of the busiest times on college campuses. This is the season when we welcome thousands of new students to campus for orientation and enrollments session. Most colleges and universities hold parents' orientation sessions along with sessions for students. Of course orientation sessions will vary slightly from school to school, but here are some common things to expect from orientation. 

Information sessions - These are held by various offices or departments on campus and are meant to introduce you and your student to the resources and services that these departments offer. For example, the university health clinic representative may tell you that they offer pharmacy services for less that your current pharmacy co-pay or the parking enforcement office may offer ways for parents to get free on-campus parking in certain lots when you visit.  There are often so many services available that students and parents don’t utilize because they missed hearing about them in orientation, or didn’t read through the handbooks or online guides. Don’t let this happen to you. Attend all the session you can, keep the handbooks you receive, and become familiar with the college’s website search feature.

Tours - Even if you participated in campus tours when your child was choosing a college, they take on a new feel as you realize that this place will be your child’s new home within a month or two. Tours during orientation are usually more specific and highlight the day-to-day routine of a typical student.

Instead of showing off the new labs or the remodeled residence hall, orientation tour guides may be able to show the student the exact buildings, dorm rooms, and classrooms they will be in on a regular basis. Chances are that your child, being a freshman, will not be able to live in the deluxe new residence halls or use the new labs that mostly juniors and seniors will access.

Some students are disappointed that they did not get their first choice residence hall or that they will be living farther away from the cafeteria than they originally thought. Remind him that he will be there for four years and by the end of his freshman year he will know where almost everything is and where he wants to live the following year.

Explanation of costs, bills and due dates - Even though the responsibility for paying tuition, fees and other expenses is technically your student’s we understand that it is virtually impossible for an 18-year-old pay for college entirely by himself. Even students who have multiple scholarships and part time jobs will need help from you once in a while, so while we may emphasize that the bills will be sent to your child, we will also tell you everything you need to know to make sure he or she doesn’t miss a deadline or end up without a meal plan due to an unpaid bill.

Campus Emergency Alert Systems

Now that severe weather season is brewing again here in the midwest, I'd like to emphasize the importance of campus emergency alert systems and communicating with your child during an emergency.

Most campuses have emergency notification systems in place. Make sure your child signs up for the text, email or phone call notifications available through this system. Unless it is specified, parents should not sign up under their own phone numbers. It does no good for you to receive a text at midnight about a campus emergency while your student remains ignorant of the situation. These systems send thousands of texts or emails at once, so adding numbers or email addresses slows the system to a crawl and may delay notification to students on campus when they need it the most.

Discuss with your child how you will communicate with them during an emergency. Land and cell phones aren’t always the best way to stay in touch, so it can be helpful for your child to quickly post information about his location and status to social media. Here in tornado alley, it is common for people to post the location of where they are sheltering to social media as they reach shelter. At the very least, you will know that they are aware of the danger around them and have taken the necessary precautions.

End of Semester Wrap-ups

For most students, the spring semester will end before their spring break tan lines fade. This is the time of year when deadlines, exams, and papers come fast a furious. On my campus, students have only three busy weeks of classes after they return from spring break and this is also a very busy time of the year socially. There are numerous scholarship banquets, end of the year student club meetings, and a final community service push before students leave campus. All of this activity can leave your child feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, so this is a great time for you to talk with him or her and conduct a mental wellness check. As you talk to your student ask:

• What big deadlines or exams do you have coming up? How are you preparing for them? Asking your student about how he plans to work on assignments isn't prying, it's actually a good way for you to prompt him to think about how he will finish the semester strong.

• Do you need any time away from campus? This may be a good time for a weekend visit home where your child can get away from campus and concentrate on studying or finishing papers without distractions.

• If you suspect your child is feeling stressed or needs help from a counselor, this is a good time to remind him about campus resources that can help him with study skills, time management, or stress management.

• Send him a care package or a pizza party. Care packages are fun to send any time of the year but this is a great time to send a little extra something to your child. Treats from home and gift cards are popular or you can also send a pizza party from the internet. Many national (and local) chains offer online ordering for everything from pizza, to wings, to salads and drinks. A typical pizza and wing combo from Pizza Hut runs about $40.00. Order it from home and have it delivered to your child at college *Always make arrangements with your child in advance!

The College Completion Study We've All Been Waiting For

To say that I was thrilled to read the preview of the upcoming Second College Completion Study (I’m going to call this the SCCS) is an understatement. I’ve been loosely following the progress of this study since I first learned about it around 2011. In short, the study hopes to complete and “clean up” data on 4 and 6 year college completion rates.

Until the National Clearinghouse Student Research Center published its first report on college completion last year, the best data we had was from the Integrated Postsecondary Education Data System (IPEDS), which as I mention in earlier posts doesn’t offer a complete picture of 4 to 6 year college completion rates since it only counts first time, full time, students who enroll in the fall semester each year and do not transfer or stop out.

This year’s SCCS will include all students across 95% of institutions even if they enrolled part time, transferred, or started in the spring semester instead of the fall. It also tracked dual enrollment students; these are usually high school students who enroll concurrently in college to get a head start on credit hours. These students were left out of last year’s study and I am excited to see how the inclusion of the 374,095 dual enrollment students changes the results. Obviously, if this group of students has the motivation, socio-economic advantages, and parental support to start college level classes while still enrolled in high school, these 374,095 students should make a profound impact on completion rates.

The study will be available next month, so I’ll keep you posted!

SCCS - http://nscresearchcenter.org/

IPEDS –  http://nces.ed.gov/ipeds/

Why Your Child Should Continue to Apply for Scholarships

Many times students and parents will ask the best ways to win scholarships. While there are obvious ways to improve your chances of winning scholarships like earning high grades, being involved on campus, and submitting excellent applications (see the post about scholarship application advice) there are several things your child needs to remember while applying.

1. No scholarship is too small. Some students simply don’t apply for small scholarships of $100.00 to $500.00 because they only see the difference between $100.00 and their $9,000.00 tuition and fees bill. But, instead of just looking at the difference, look at what $100.00 is worth. When I see $100.00, I see some books, a couple of tanks of gas, a few weeks of groceries, and some extra cash for an emergency.
2. Always do the math. If your child is working part time to finance college, how many hours would it take him to earn $500.00 after taxes? Most college students earn minimum wage or pretty close to it. After taxes they clear about $6.10 per hour, so it would take the average student almost 82 hours to bring home $500.00. That’s a month of working 20 hours per week. Even if your child spends only two hours per week during the academic year completing and submitting scholarship applications and only wins $500.00, he still comes out ahead.
3. Scholarships are free money, but don’t treat them that way. Some students win big scholarships and think they can promptly quit their part time job, or spend the money on non-educational expenses. These are bad ideas.

• Scholarships are intended to help students afford college so the funds should always go either directly to the college or to pay for college related expenses.

• Unless the student is in his senior year and expects to graduate on time and not pursue graduate education, the money should be saved in a separate account for college related expenses. Otherwise, the student may run out of money before he finishes college.
• Scholarships are extra, unexpected funds and therefore should not be relied upon as a steady stream of financial support. Many students have lost scholarships in their junior or senior year due to low grades, missed deadlines, or changing their major to one not supported by the scholarship fund.

Scholarship Application Advice: From someone who’s seen a lot of scholarship applications!

Honestly, nothing bugs me more than sloppy scholarship or award applications. Considering that the organization or donor is willing to hand you hundreds or thousands of dollars in free money you need to have enough regard for yourself and the committee to put forth your best effort, so here’s my super honest advice for students about submitting scholarship applications.

1.     Make sure your application is typed and in a legible font. Applications that are handwritten or in illegible fonts WILL stand out, and then they are usually shredded without any further consideration. If you are turning the application in on paper and not electronically, make sure that the application is neat and not creased or wrinkled. If the application must be submitted electronically, follow the submission instructions, or if there are no specific instructions, submit it as a PDF, with your name and the scholarship’s name included as part of the PDF’s name.

 2.     Make sure your application is complete, and follow the instructions to the letter. If it specifies that an official transcript be attached, then attach an official transcript. Not a copy, not an unofficial transcript, not a screen shot of one from your phone, but an official transcript.

 3.     Submit the application on time. I’m sure that everyone has legitimate excuses for why they miss deadlines, but as a scholarship administrator I’m more concerned with scoring the already huge stack of applications that were submitted on time.

 4.     Proofread your application, then have a professor, tutor, or a trusted friend proofread it, then proofread it again. Remember, we want to give you free money; the least you can do is proof your work.

 5.     Tell your story. Usually, the selection committee only has about 3-10 application pages to figure out who you are and why we should give you the award. Tell your story honestly and as thoroughly as possible. Don’t dismiss activities as unimportant because you think they’re not grand enough to impress us. We are just as impressed by students who volunteer to read to preschoolers as we are by those who write research grants.

I have scored numerous scholarships over the past two decades and I can tell you that the students who get scholarships are the ones who submit clean, completed applications, before the deadline, and who take the time to have their applications reviewed for errors. Students who put forth the extra 10% of effort to submit well-prepared applications are usually the ones who win the awards, and the best thing is, once you’ve completed a few scholarship applications, they get easier and easier to submit.

Students need to look at scholarship applications from the selection committee’s perspective. The committee is usually comprised of volunteers who are already extremely busy and each person on it only has a few sheets of paper in your application to decide whether or not to give you a $1,000.00 or more, so make a good impression!

 After you receive the scholarship send at brief thank you note or letter thanking the committee and giving us an update on how the scholarship will help you attain your educational goals. We do remember these letters and we may even score another one of your applications or remember you when we serve on another committee.

Student Loans - Use with Caution

Loans should be your child’s responsibility and only when absolutely necessary. It would be great if your child could graduate without any student loan debt, but sometimes life happens over the course of four years.  As parents, we all know that only one accident, lost job, or trip to the emergency room can crater even the most well planned college finance strategy. If your child has to take out a loan to finish his college education, it’s certainly not the end of the world.  And just because your child graduates with debt doesn’t mean that he will be sentenced to a lifetime of poverty. Every generation has had to start small and pay its dues. We did too, and we’re doing fine. You can always help your child pay off loans later if your family budget allows.

Contrary to sensational news coverage of students with six-figure debt, the current average amount of student loan debt for students who do take out loans is about $26,000.00. Considering the typically low interest rates of 3.4%-6.8% and usual 10-year payment period, students who graduate with that amount in loans will pay a very manageable $250.00 to $300.00 per month.

In fact, if you’ve been paying bills on the school’s monthly payment plan for the past four years, and your child has to borrow in the last year, just keep paying as usual during the final year and then pay the same amount toward the loans after graduation. This will greatly reduce the total interest paid and pay off the loan early. If you agreed to pay for a portion or all of your child’s college expenses, this can probably be considered part of that commitment as well.

I am a big fan of having the student take out a Federal loan first and then only resort to parent or PLUS loans under extreme circumstances. There are a few reasons for this. First of all this is your child’s education and he should be responsible for it. Just like you wouldn’t expect to attend classes and take tests for him you shouldn’t be expected to borrow money when other loans are available.

Secondly, if your child hasn’t established a credit record by his junior year, he needs to consider ways to do that. A federal student loan for a modest amount can establish a good credit history. And third, there’s absolutely nothing keeping you from helping him pay his loans after graduation. Many parents and grandparents help pay off college loans as birthday and holiday gifts and even more are paying off a portion of their child’s loans as a way to give an inheritance before it is gobbled up by long term care expenses.

Student loan calculators

Are wonderful tools that can give you and your child a realistic look at what borrowing various amounts will cost in the long run. Just insert hypothetical amounts to be borrowed and the terms to see what loans will cost. Some of these calculators even estimate a minimum salary to make these payments. A helpful tool when planning majors and estimating starting salaries. I like the one at http://www.bankrate.com .

More Ways for Freshmen to Save

Suggest he use the floor fridge or microwave - Almost any dorm or residence hall floor has a shared fridge and microwave. If you avoid buying these appliances for your child you will save about $240.00. Instead, check to see if his residence hall or even his floor has a shared fridge and microwave. Using these to store food and cook will keep him from using meal plan dollars for food that he can easily prepare on his own.

Skip the soda at the fountain - Switching to water instead of soda pop will save money and calories. Soft drinks cost anywhere from .99 to $2.50 or more per meal. Over a semester that can add about $400.00 in meal plan usage and 45,000 empty calories.

Leave the car at home - If given the choice between living at the college of their choice without a car or living at home, attending the local college and keeping the car, most students will opt for the former. Owning and maintaining a car is expensive even if it’s paid off. Added up over four years, just the cost to fuel, insure and maintain a car is easily in the thousands or tens of thousands. That is probably equivalent to the cost of at least a semester or two of tuition. Unless your child absolutely needs his own car on campus ask him to decide between the car or living at home. He can always swap the car for a bike, scooter, or prepaid bus pass.

How to get a new set of dishes for you own home - Having kids at home means that your once complete set of dishes, glasses, or flatware has become a partial set of chipped, bent, and mismatched items that you’ve come to resent. Conveniently, at about the same time that you really want to get a new set of dishes, your child needs to take a couple of dishes to college. You see where I’m going with this right?

Avoid the dorm décor hype - Big box stores and online college dorm room outfitters will heavily advertise complete, coordinated dorm room décor sets and small appliances expressly for the college bound set. While these are really nice, new and coordinated, if you buy into the hype advertised on the glossy advertisements every June through September you can usually kiss more than $900.00 of your textbook money goodbye just to decorate a single room.

I know that your child wants new towels, dishes, shelves, lamps, chairs, and a coffee pot in the school’s colors for his room, but I’ll bet you already have most of this stuff at home and if you don’t, maybe some family members or friends do. My advice on these items is, save your money and if you still want to buy dishes with it get them for your family home instead. You’ll take better care of them anyway.

Thrift shopping - I have known college students who arrive on campus with practically nothing and within a couple of weeks their room is completely furnished all for about $47.50. By their nature, college towns have mobile populations, and college students are always arriving, leaving, or moving among dorms and apartments.  Thrift stores in these towns are great places to find cheap useful items.

On my campus, a thrift store is opened each fall semester where students can buy items donated or left on campus by students the previous spring, and the proceeds benefit charity. Thrift stores on campus or in the community offer win-win solutions for college kids who need to get rid of stuff and buy stuff cheap. 

* Yes, he should absolutely inspect any piece of furniture or fabric for bed bugs!

First Generation Students

Each college will have it’s own definition of a first generation student, but usually, If your child is the first in your family to attend college they are considered “first generation”. Some campuses even extend this title to students whose parents or other family members attended college, but did not graduate. Whatever the definition, first generation college students universally experience stress, a feeling of being an outsider on campus, and the burden of being the trailblazer for their entire family.

For first generation parents it’s important not to be intimidated by college, and the best way to do this is to learn as much as you can about your child’s college and where he can go for help if he needs it. Almost all colleges have handbooks for students and many have parent handbooks as well. Find copies of these books, read them thoroughly, and keep them handy. College websites are also wonderful resources for first generation parents.

For most students, having a parent or family member take an interest in their education and being willing to listen and find out more about their college is half the battle. First generation parents don’t have to know all, or any, of the answers to their child’s questions they just have to know how to help find the answers. The first step in this process is having your child clarify the question. You may think that asking him more questions is the last thing he needs now, but it’s the best way to pinpoint the potential problem and start working on a solution.

Keep in mind that as your child is learning, this is also a great learning experience for you too. Take advantage of programs on campus or parent networks that can help ease these transitions for you and your child.