College Parenting 101: Why we can't just "let go"

If you attended college any time before 1990 there were probably no parent orientations, parents’ associations, or family weekends at your college. In fact, if your parents ever spent any time at your college beyond move-in day or graduation you were part of a small minority. Obviously, things have changed dramatically over the past few decades, and colleges and universities are ramping up programs for the parents and families of their students that were completely absent 30 years ago. Some reasons for these changes in programs are:

1. College costs much more. I mean, much more, than it did 30 years ago.  I know I don’t need to tell you this since you are still swooning from the sticker shock you have undoubtedly experienced in the past several months. With these higher costs come higher expectations, especially from parents who are footing most, or at least more, of students’ college expenses.
2. We live in the age of twenty-four hour per day, seven day per week , three hundred and sixty five day per year communication and information. With cell phones, video chat, and social media readily available to almost everyone, we have come to expect the ability to find information and contact anyone, in any place, at any time immediately. This means that when students have even small problems they can immediately call a parent for advice instead of having to wait to find a phone. Years ago, waiting to find a phone, and the time to call one’s parent, meant that we had the time to process problems and decide whether or not they were worth discussing with a family member, which they usually weren’t.
3. Constant access to news media from around the world also means that any crisis that occurs at any college in the country, or anywhere in the world seems like it happened next door and is surely a crisis where our child attends. We fear that it is threatening them personally, instead of an isolated incident. We no longer have the comfortable insulation of time and distance to temper these sensational news stories and safety is always on our minds.
4. Our generation of parents has had fewer children than previous generations, and we have been more involved in their lives both in and out of school. In other words, we have a lot of time, money, effort, and love investing in our 2.06 children and their success. We have been told since they were in utero that we are 100% responsible, both socially and legally, for their care and behavior. Now, all of a sudden when they enroll in college, we are supposed to simply let go of this “adult” who it seems was just yesterday hitting a baseball off a tee. Letting go of your child is easier said than done, and most of us, and our college-bound children face a steep learning curve in these lessons of letting go.

What to Expect During Freshman Orientation and Enrollment: Part 1

Summers are some of the busiest times on college campuses. This is the season when we welcome thousands of new students to campus for orientation and enrollments session. Most colleges and universities hold parents' orientation sessions along with sessions for students. Of course orientation sessions will vary slightly from school to school, but here are some common things to expect from orientation. 

Information sessions - These are held by various offices or departments on campus and are meant to introduce you and your student to the resources and services that these departments offer. For example, the university health clinic representative may tell you that they offer pharmacy services for less that your current pharmacy co-pay or the parking enforcement office may offer ways for parents to get free on-campus parking in certain lots when you visit.  There are often so many services available that students and parents don’t utilize because they missed hearing about them in orientation, or didn’t read through the handbooks or online guides. Don’t let this happen to you. Attend all the session you can, keep the handbooks you receive, and become familiar with the college’s website search feature.

Tours - Even if you participated in campus tours when your child was choosing a college, they take on a new feel as you realize that this place will be your child’s new home within a month or two. Tours during orientation are usually more specific and highlight the day-to-day routine of a typical student.

Instead of showing off the new labs or the remodeled residence hall, orientation tour guides may be able to show the student the exact buildings, dorm rooms, and classrooms they will be in on a regular basis. Chances are that your child, being a freshman, will not be able to live in the deluxe new residence halls or use the new labs that mostly juniors and seniors will access.

Some students are disappointed that they did not get their first choice residence hall or that they will be living farther away from the cafeteria than they originally thought. Remind him that he will be there for four years and by the end of his freshman year he will know where almost everything is and where he wants to live the following year.

Explanation of costs, bills and due dates - Even though the responsibility for paying tuition, fees and other expenses is technically your student’s we understand that it is virtually impossible for an 18-year-old pay for college entirely by himself. Even students who have multiple scholarships and part time jobs will need help from you once in a while, so while we may emphasize that the bills will be sent to your child, we will also tell you everything you need to know to make sure he or she doesn’t miss a deadline or end up without a meal plan due to an unpaid bill.