The Senior Summer

The Senior Summer

The summer between your child’s senior year of high school and freshman year of college is a carnival ride; exhilarating, scary, and nauseating. You swing wildly between sadness over “losing” your child to college on one day, and then the next day wishing he would just get out of the house! The next few months with test your patience and sense of humor, but throughout these 10 to 12 weeks rest assured that millions of other families have gone through the same rites of passage and have come out relatively unscathed.

“But, he’s driving me absolutely crazy!”

Believe it or not, that’s a very good sign.  In fact, if your college bound-child is not making you crazy and pushing every button you have, I would be concerned because that’s what supposed to happen. If our “near adult” children didn’t drive us to push them out of the house they’d never leave; never strike out on their own, get an education, a job, find a spouse and then we’d never have a shot at grandkids. And, according to all reports, grandkids are awesome!

Putting up with your child’s current mood swings and know-it-all attitude is demanding, and it will take all your will to not alienate him in the final weeks before he leaves, but please be patient with him and yourself and know that this behavior is not only normal, it’s essential for his personal development. You may have to bite your tongue more than you let it fly, but you’re the adult with all the life experience, you’ll manage.

You may assume that since approximately two million freshmen enroll in college each fall that this whole transition would be easy, it’s not. Just like getting married, moving to a new town, buying a home or having a baby, this is a major life change not just for your child, but also for everyone in the family. Yes, younger siblings will have bizarre mood swings right along with you and your college bound child. Even the family dog will wonder why everyone is so tense and may wander in confused circles for a least a while.

While you could easily succumb to the malaise that an impending bittersweet departures always bring about, I suggest that you take some time to plan a course of action that will help you and your child over the next few months and well into the academic year. This summer is a good time to catch up on some basic survival skills with your child, and make sure that if your daughter has never changed a tire, she learns how, and if your son still hasn’t grasped the basics of wash, dry, and fold, he also learns that skill.  A lot of people ask me why its so important that college students learn such basic skills like these, after all, in any given college town there are roadside assistance services and laundry services widely available for a small fee.

While I agree that is true, learning these skills isn’t really about changing tires and doing laundry. Although it will save thousands of dollars in the long run, it’s impossible to put a dollar figure on self-reliance. If young people don’t learn that they really can do these things for themselves, they will simply assume that they can’t and will always be at the mercy of those who can. Once students start taking care of small tasks for themselves, they soon learn that there are a lot of things worth trying just to be able to say. “Yes, I can do that!”

What to Expect During Freshman Orientation and Enrollment: Part 1

Summers are some of the busiest times on college campuses. This is the season when we welcome thousands of new students to campus for orientation and enrollments session. Most colleges and universities hold parents' orientation sessions along with sessions for students. Of course orientation sessions will vary slightly from school to school, but here are some common things to expect from orientation. 

Information sessions - These are held by various offices or departments on campus and are meant to introduce you and your student to the resources and services that these departments offer. For example, the university health clinic representative may tell you that they offer pharmacy services for less that your current pharmacy co-pay or the parking enforcement office may offer ways for parents to get free on-campus parking in certain lots when you visit.  There are often so many services available that students and parents don’t utilize because they missed hearing about them in orientation, or didn’t read through the handbooks or online guides. Don’t let this happen to you. Attend all the session you can, keep the handbooks you receive, and become familiar with the college’s website search feature.

Tours - Even if you participated in campus tours when your child was choosing a college, they take on a new feel as you realize that this place will be your child’s new home within a month or two. Tours during orientation are usually more specific and highlight the day-to-day routine of a typical student.

Instead of showing off the new labs or the remodeled residence hall, orientation tour guides may be able to show the student the exact buildings, dorm rooms, and classrooms they will be in on a regular basis. Chances are that your child, being a freshman, will not be able to live in the deluxe new residence halls or use the new labs that mostly juniors and seniors will access.

Some students are disappointed that they did not get their first choice residence hall or that they will be living farther away from the cafeteria than they originally thought. Remind him that he will be there for four years and by the end of his freshman year he will know where almost everything is and where he wants to live the following year.

Explanation of costs, bills and due dates - Even though the responsibility for paying tuition, fees and other expenses is technically your student’s we understand that it is virtually impossible for an 18-year-old pay for college entirely by himself. Even students who have multiple scholarships and part time jobs will need help from you once in a while, so while we may emphasize that the bills will be sent to your child, we will also tell you everything you need to know to make sure he or she doesn’t miss a deadline or end up without a meal plan due to an unpaid bill.

More Ways for Freshmen to Save

Suggest he use the floor fridge or microwave - Almost any dorm or residence hall floor has a shared fridge and microwave. If you avoid buying these appliances for your child you will save about $240.00. Instead, check to see if his residence hall or even his floor has a shared fridge and microwave. Using these to store food and cook will keep him from using meal plan dollars for food that he can easily prepare on his own.

Skip the soda at the fountain - Switching to water instead of soda pop will save money and calories. Soft drinks cost anywhere from .99 to $2.50 or more per meal. Over a semester that can add about $400.00 in meal plan usage and 45,000 empty calories.

Leave the car at home - If given the choice between living at the college of their choice without a car or living at home, attending the local college and keeping the car, most students will opt for the former. Owning and maintaining a car is expensive even if it’s paid off. Added up over four years, just the cost to fuel, insure and maintain a car is easily in the thousands or tens of thousands. That is probably equivalent to the cost of at least a semester or two of tuition. Unless your child absolutely needs his own car on campus ask him to decide between the car or living at home. He can always swap the car for a bike, scooter, or prepaid bus pass.

How to get a new set of dishes for you own home - Having kids at home means that your once complete set of dishes, glasses, or flatware has become a partial set of chipped, bent, and mismatched items that you’ve come to resent. Conveniently, at about the same time that you really want to get a new set of dishes, your child needs to take a couple of dishes to college. You see where I’m going with this right?

Avoid the dorm décor hype - Big box stores and online college dorm room outfitters will heavily advertise complete, coordinated dorm room décor sets and small appliances expressly for the college bound set. While these are really nice, new and coordinated, if you buy into the hype advertised on the glossy advertisements every June through September you can usually kiss more than $900.00 of your textbook money goodbye just to decorate a single room.

I know that your child wants new towels, dishes, shelves, lamps, chairs, and a coffee pot in the school’s colors for his room, but I’ll bet you already have most of this stuff at home and if you don’t, maybe some family members or friends do. My advice on these items is, save your money and if you still want to buy dishes with it get them for your family home instead. You’ll take better care of them anyway.

Thrift shopping - I have known college students who arrive on campus with practically nothing and within a couple of weeks their room is completely furnished all for about $47.50. By their nature, college towns have mobile populations, and college students are always arriving, leaving, or moving among dorms and apartments.  Thrift stores in these towns are great places to find cheap useful items.

On my campus, a thrift store is opened each fall semester where students can buy items donated or left on campus by students the previous spring, and the proceeds benefit charity. Thrift stores on campus or in the community offer win-win solutions for college kids who need to get rid of stuff and buy stuff cheap. 

* Yes, he should absolutely inspect any piece of furniture or fabric for bed bugs!

Questions to Ask During Orientation

·      Will students receive mid-term grades? If so, when and how?

·      Can parents have access to student’s grades by having the student sign a permission form? (I’ll talk more about this later)

·      Is there a campus wide attendance policy? What is it?

·      What kind of tutoring or other academic services are available?

·      If your child has not declared a major, when will he need to do so? How does one declare a major?

·      Is there a way for parents to receive copies of bills or grades directly from the college?

·      What are the methods of payment for bills?

·      If the bill is not paid in full, what are the penalties?

·      Is there a monthly payment plan available?

·      Where are residence hall rules and policies posted?

·      When will the student know his roommate’s information?

·      When is the residence hall bill due? The meal plan bill?

·      What are the residence hall options?

·      Where do most freshmen live?

·      Are single-sex or coed residence halls available?

·      Can freshmen bring cars to campus? Where do they park?

·      What are the most common safety issues on campus?

·      Where can I find the report on campus crime statistics?

·      What safety programs are available? (Self defense, safe rides etc.)

·      Are there property registration programs available?

·      Are there fraternities and sororities on campus? Do they have houses?

·      What services are offered for students with disabilities?

·      Are students required to have health insurance? If so, is a plan available from the college?

·      What religious services are on campus or nearby?

·      Does the campus have an emergency notification system? How do students sign up?

·      When is parents’ weekend, or are there other events specifically for parents or family members?

·      What is the best way to find more information?

The Go-to Guide for College Parents Is Coming Soon!

I’m very happy to announce that after years of writing articles and replying to calls and emails from parents about their concerns I had a revelation and decided to compile all this information into a handbook for college parents. I am currently editing the final copy and hope to have the book available online and in print early in 2014.