Help Your Student Avoid Electronic Distractions in Class

There’s a name for students who try to hide their phones in their laps while they attend class- “crotchgazers”. You know how annoying it is when you’re trying to have a family meal or just speak to your child without the interruptions of constant texting or Tweeting. If you’re like me, there’s nothing more irritating than having your child half-heartedly answer your questions while he stares at the cell phone in his lap. Now, imagine how maddening it is for a professor trying to communicate with 25, 75 or 205 crotchgazers in a classroom.

One disadvantage to college students being constantly connected is that they’re well, constantly connected. That means that even while students are physically in class and honestly trying to learn, they are also incessantly being vibrated away from the work at hand. In many ways it’s not their fault, it's ours. Parents have been known to panic if we don’t hear from them for a couple of days, so they know that if they don’t reply to us with at least an “ok” or even a “k” we just might freak out and call the campus police to conduct a welfare check on them.

Today’s college students feel compelled to check and reply to texts, Tweets, Facebook posts and the like, so cell phones themselves, the very same magical device we all rely on to keep us connected are also the same devices that keep students distracted and damage their ability to fully engage in class and learning. While almost every college or certainly every individual professor has policies against the use of electronics in the classroom, the problems persist. Students know that if they’re careful enough, they can fly under the professor’s radar, but at what cost? Students who allow themselves to become distracted by every chirp or vibration of their phone are not only wasting the money they spent to be in the class, they are cheating themselves out of learning for something they can easily access during the other 20 hours every day in which the are not in a classroom. 

The best advice you can give your student on this subject is to suggest he turn off his phone while in class and catch up with friends, and you too, once he leaves the lecture hall.You can help out even more by asking him to tell you his class schedule and only contacting him when you know he is not in class. 

College Parenting 101: Why we can't just "let go"

If you attended college any time before 1990 there were probably no parent orientations, parents’ associations, or family weekends at your college. In fact, if your parents ever spent any time at your college beyond move-in day or graduation you were part of a small minority. Obviously, things have changed dramatically over the past few decades, and colleges and universities are ramping up programs for the parents and families of their students that were completely absent 30 years ago. Some reasons for these changes in programs are:

1. College costs much more. I mean, much more, than it did 30 years ago.  I know I don’t need to tell you this since you are still swooning from the sticker shock you have undoubtedly experienced in the past several months. With these higher costs come higher expectations, especially from parents who are footing most, or at least more, of students’ college expenses.
2. We live in the age of twenty-four hour per day, seven day per week , three hundred and sixty five day per year communication and information. With cell phones, video chat, and social media readily available to almost everyone, we have come to expect the ability to find information and contact anyone, in any place, at any time immediately. This means that when students have even small problems they can immediately call a parent for advice instead of having to wait to find a phone. Years ago, waiting to find a phone, and the time to call one’s parent, meant that we had the time to process problems and decide whether or not they were worth discussing with a family member, which they usually weren’t.
3. Constant access to news media from around the world also means that any crisis that occurs at any college in the country, or anywhere in the world seems like it happened next door and is surely a crisis where our child attends. We fear that it is threatening them personally, instead of an isolated incident. We no longer have the comfortable insulation of time and distance to temper these sensational news stories and safety is always on our minds.
4. Our generation of parents has had fewer children than previous generations, and we have been more involved in their lives both in and out of school. In other words, we have a lot of time, money, effort, and love investing in our 2.06 children and their success. We have been told since they were in utero that we are 100% responsible, both socially and legally, for their care and behavior. Now, all of a sudden when they enroll in college, we are supposed to simply let go of this “adult” who it seems was just yesterday hitting a baseball off a tee. Letting go of your child is easier said than done, and most of us, and our college-bound children face a steep learning curve in these lessons of letting go.

Is Your Child a "First Generation" College Student?

Each college will have it’s own definition of a first generation student, but usually, If your child is the first in your family to attend college they are considered “first generation”. Some campuses even extend this title to students whose parents or other family members attended college, but did not graduate. Whatever the definition, first generation college students universally experience stress, a feeling of being an outsider on campus, and the burden of being the trailblazer for their entire family.

For first generation parents it’s important not to be intimidated by college, and the best way to do this is to learn as much as you can about your child’s college and where he can go for help if he needs it. Almost all colleges have handbooks for students and many have parent handbooks as well. Find copies of these books, read them thoroughly, and keep them handy. College websites are also wonderful resources for first generation parents.

For most students, having a parent or family member take an interest in their education and being willing to listen and find out more about their college is half the battle. First generation parents don’t have to know all, or any, of the answers to their child’s questions they just have to know how to help find the answers. The first step in this process is having your child clarify the question. You may think that asking him more questions is the last thing he needs now, but it’s the best way to pinpoint the potential problem and start working on a solution.

Keep in mind that as your child is learning, this is also a great learning experience for you too. Take advantage of programs on campus or parent networks that can help ease these transitions for you and your child and never be afraid to ask questions.

Discussing Family Finances With Your College Student

When I was a child people didn’t really talk about finances or how much they earned. I never asked my parents what they earned because I knew that the subject was taboo and there was no point in asking a question to which there would be no answer. My only reliable gauge of whether or not they were having financial trouble was how often they argued about money, and how nasty the arguments got. In short, I knew nothing about my family’s finances except that the lack of money caused arguments and family-wide tension. If you are of my generation and are now sending your child to college you may have had a similar experiences growing up, and if your own child doesn’t know much about family finances you need to have a frank discussion with him before he starts college.

This discussion is important for two reasons. First it expresses to your child how much you have to work to provide for the family and second it helps him understand his piece of the family’s financial pie. When I talk to college parents each summer, I cover this topic briefly and when I do, the audience grows tense.  While I understand the desire to take care of the tuition and fees for your child so he can focus on academics instead of money, it doesn’t mean that your child should remain in the dark about where the money comes from and how it's used.  

1. Discuss the college financing puzzle with your child. It’s rare for families to be able to pay cash for tuition, fees, room, board, books, and spending money. Even students from families that have saved diligently still seek out scholarships, part time jobs, or maybe even loans. Families often find that while tuition and fees can be paid from a 529 plan, room and board needs to be paid off monthly through a payment plan, and grandparents end up sending some cash to cover books or spending money. Most families collect funds from a variety of sources and have to assemble the college financing puzzle a little differently each year. Make sure your student understands this puzzle and actively helps you build it.

2. Talk about how he can help. Part time or summer employment, scholarships, student loans, graduating in 4 years, living frugally while in college; all of these are ways that parents hope their children will help them afford college, but we don’t always clearly express these expectations to our children. I have numerous conversations with parents halfway through each year in which they explain that they assumed their child would find a part time job to help pay for spending money and books. Unfortunately, the child was unaware of this assumption and never bothered to find a job. Instead, he’s used an entire year’s worth of spending money in four months. If you expect your child to live within a set budget or bring home $80.00 per week to reimburse you for his meal plan, tell him. Be clear and give him exact numbers so he knows that not only will he need to find a job, he’ll need to find one where he can earn at least $80.00 per week after taxes.

3. Plan for family financial emergencies. Having worked with college parents for nine years I’ve seen a lot of families go through a lot of financial problems. While there are some sad but rare occasions when a parent uses funds from a PLUS loan for a personal shopping spree or a vacation, most of the time financial emergencies happen because of job loss, illness and medical bills, or divorce. Your child deserves to know what your plan is in case these situations arise and it’s beneficial for everyone to work out a strategy to try to keep your child in college. This may mean that your child switches to part time status, transfers to a college near home, or has to take out a loan. Keep in mind that the goal of earning a college degree doesn’t have to change, but the strategies used to achieve that goal may.