What to Expect This Thanksgiving Break

Thanksgiving break may very well be the first time your child will come home this semester and there are some universal experiences that all college parents face when their child returns home from college for the first time.

1. Most students will sleep a lot when they get home.  Not only are they tired from traveling, but they are probably mentally exhausted from being “on” all semester. The first semester of college is mentally, emotionally, and physically draining, so let them sleep.

2. Once your child arises from a 10 hour nap, he will probably want to eat and see his hometown friends. This can be painful for parents since you’ve been waiting for months to see your child, but all he wants to do is go out with other people. You can approach this from two angles; you can insist that he stay at home for the first evening and see his friends later, or you can let him go out with his buddies and plan to see him during the rest of the break. There’s no correct way to handle this, but the one thing that is essential is communication. Express your expectations for “family time” before he returns so everyone knows what to expect.

3. Go ahead and coddle during the break. While it’s crucial that students learn to care entirely for themselves while they’re at college, when your child is home for break a little spoiling won’t hurt. If you want to make a big breakfast, do it. If you want to do all her laundry, go for it, but don’t do these things out of a sense of guilt or duty. Just do them from a position of love and caring, and by all means expect a “thank you” from your child!

4. Thanksgiving break is too short. By the time your child sleeps for a day, visits with friends for another, helps out with a few household or yard chores, then sleeps away another day, the break is over and he’s gone again. Rest assured that even though this visit is way too short, you’ve probably had just enough time together. A four to six week winter break will arrive within about three weeks and for some families, that gets a little too long!

Parents' or Family Weekends on Campus

Family Weekends or Parents’ Days used to be held at only large universities with well-established parent programs, but now most colleges have some sort of weekend or just a Saturday where parents are invited to spend some time with their child at his or her new home on campus. It’s no accident that most colleges hold their family weekends at about four to eight weeks into the fall semester. By that time, not only has your child finally settled into a routine on campus and can show you all the local hot spots, but you and your child are ready for a nice long visit.

On my campus and on countless other division one universities across the nation, these weekends often fall on a home football weekend. As the person who plans the weekend and coordinates student groups and others who plan events on these weekends, I sincerely apologize for the sometimes rushed feel of the weekend. I can honestly say that I lie awake at nights hoping and praying that kickoff isn’t moved before 2:30pm.

I always worry about families feeling rushed under these circumstances, but overall, as the day winds down to an end and families are still enjoying post game tailgates and strolling through campus gardens, I am reminded that family weekend isn’t about football games, tailgates, buying matching t-shirts or even the events that student groups hold during these days, it’s about families getting together and enjoying their changing relationships. It’s about parents seeing their child as an adult for perhaps the first time, and students seeing their parents as the college students they once were, and bonding over this experience they now share.

If you are disappointed that you are unable to attend your child’s family weekend due to a conflict or distance, don’t worry. Any weekend that you can make it to campus is a “family weekend”, a chance for you to share a unique experience with your child. In fact, planning a visit later in the semester is just as much fun. If you time it right and avoid game days and other busy weekends on campus you may find that hotel rooms are cheaper and there are no long waits at local restaurants.

I receive a lot of calls from parents before family weekend asking what they should do with their child on the weekend. While there are usually a number of events planned for the weekend, we realize that you can’t attend them all.  The most important thing to do is to discover what your child’s life is like on a daily basis. Ask for a tour of his or her classrooms, ask him to take you to his favorite place to eat, or ask him to show you his favorite places to hang out. Doing this gives your child a chance to show you what his life is like every day so the next time me mentions that he’s on his way to his biology lab, you’ll know where that is.

Younger siblings usually love visiting for family weekends and if possible, enjoy spending the night in your college student’s dorm room while you stay at a hotel. Younger kids are usually pretty flexible and a small cot or a sleeping bag on the floor is a fun way to spend the night with their older sibling in the “grown up” atmosphere of a college residence hall.