Same Kid, New Opinions

Most students return home from the first semester of college with new ideas and opinions and sometimes these opinions clash with parents’ values or beliefs. It is common for someone who has spent the past four months in a new environment with new people to start ”trying out” and exploring new ideas and opinions. This can take the form of bringing up dinner time topics in which the student has never before had an interest, or arguing passionately about a political or social cause that is completely new or out of character. While this can often ruffle parent’s feathers or even scare them, it is not only common, but it’s an essential part of a college student’s personal development.

Students will find that people they meet in college will question the values and beliefs they were raised to follow and that is a good thing. If a student’s values are never challenged, they will never know for sure where they stand on certain issues and will not be able to articulate why they hold some beliefs and not others. At some point, we all have to examine or beliefs about the world and ourselves and decide where we stand on certain issues.

Parents can help their children through these times of inquiry by being ready and willing to listen to their child talk through their uncertainty. Asking questions and avoiding criticism or judgment will help parents and students discuss topics without anger or hurt feelings. Also remember that in a world full of opinions and punditry, there’s nothing wrong with saying. “I don’t know” or “I’m not sure” about a topic. It can be a relief for a student to hear that even mom and dad aren’t sure about some topics and that ambiguity exists and can be discussed too.

While your student talks, take the opportunity to listen to the message underneath what they are saying. It is usually that they are having new experiences and are being challenged to make decisions they haven’t had to make before. The result is sometimes fear, distress, or excitement, but these challenges always lead to young people who’ve grown intellectually and emotionally, and can think critically and articulate their thoughts and feelings.