Talking About Family Finances With Your College Student

When I was a child people didn’t talk about finances or how much they earned. I never asked my parents what they earned because I knew that the subject was taboo and there was no point in asking a question to which there would be no answer. My only reliable gauge of whether or not they were having financial trouble was how often they argued about money, and how nasty the arguments got. In short, I knew nothing about my family’s finances except that the lack of money caused arguments and family-wide tension. I tell you this because if you are of my generation and are sending your child to college right now you may have had a similar experiences growing up, and if your own child doesn’t know how much you earn or where that money goes, you need to have a frank discussion with him before he starts college.

This discussion is important for two reasons. First it expresses to your child how much you have to work to provide for the family and second it helps him understand his piece of the family’s financial pie. When I talk to college parents each summer, I cover this topic briefly and when I do, the audience grows tense.  While I understand the desire to take care of the tuition and fees for your child so he can focus on academics instead of money, it doesn’t mean that your child should remain in the dark about where the money comes from and how it's used.  

1. Discuss the college financing puzzle with your child. It’s rare for families to be able to pay cash for tuition, fees, room, board, books, and spending money. Even students from families that have saved diligently will still need to seek out scholarships, part time jobs, or maybe even loans. Sometimes tuition and fees are paid from a 529 plan, while room and board are paid off monthly through a payment plan, and grandparents may send some cash to cover books or spending money. Most families collect funds from a variety of sources and have to assemble the college financing puzzle a little differently each year. Make sure your student understands this puzzle and actively helps you build it.

2. Talk about how he can help. Part time or summer employment, scholarships, student loans, graduating in 4 years, living frugally while in college; all of these are ways that parents hope their children will help them afford college, but we don’t always clearly express these expectations to our children. I have numerous conversations with parents halfway through each year in which they explain that they assumed their child would find a part time job to help pay for spending money and books. Unfortunately, the child was unaware of this assumption and never bothered to find a job. Instead, he’s used an entire year’s worth of spending money in four months. If you expect your child to live within a set budget or bring home $80.00 per week to reimburse you for his meal plan, tell him. Be clear and give him exact numbers so he knows that not only will he need to find a job, he’ll need to find one where he can earn at least $80.00 per week after taxes.

3. Plan for family financial emergencies. Having worked with college parents for nine years I’ve seen a lot of families go through a lot of financial problems. While there are some sad but rare occasions when a parent uses funds from a PLUS loan for a personal shopping spree or vacation, most of the time financial emergencies happen because of job loss, illness and medical bills, or divorce. Your child deserves to know what your plan is in case these situations arise and it’s beneficial for everyone to work out a strategy to try to keep your child in college. This may mean that your child switches to part time status, transfers to a college near home, or has to take out a loan. Keep in mind that the goal of earning a college degree doesn’t have to change, but the strategies used to achieve that goal may.